Monday, October 19, 2015

Campaign 2015: the election night speeches we hope to hear

Here are the speeches we hope the candidates give tonight following the official results.
Tom Mulcair
Good evening, Canada. Bonsoir mesdames et messieurs. [LONG PAUSE] Ah, screw it. You gotta be f*cking kidding me. Seriously, Canada? Are we really living in a country where experience and intelligence is trumped by the ability to smile for a bazillion selfies? That's right, kids! You too can drift from place to place, until you find a wrecked political party that has lost it collective mind and replaces a Rhodes Scholar and former premier NOT with an astronaut... NOT with a constitutional professor... but with an [MUTTERS SOMETHING]. What a great country! I'm outta here. So long, suckers.
Stephen Harper
Look, I knew some Canadians didn't support us. We knew this election would be tough. I didn't realize the hard feelings were so intense that Canadians would elect Zoolander just to get rid of me. I apologize to all Canadians for what has happened. In particular I want to apologize to the Liberal Party and the Liberal caucus who will have to manage an inexperienced, error prone leader. Believe me. I know. I had to deal with Peter MacKay and Maxime Bernier for 10 years. If anyone needs me, I'll be sitting alone in my study muttering "I told you so" as I watch this slow-motion train wreck unravel. If anyone knows where to buy weed in Calgary, please text me.
Justin Trudeau
Friends, this has been an amazing journey from 24 Sussex, to Brébeuf, to meandering around in my 20s and 30s, to trading on my name, and now back to 24 Sussex! Over the next four years we will find modest deficits. We will find the root causes of terrorism. And we will find a way to back out the unrealistic spending promises in our platform. Thank you all. And finally, I want to thank the person behind the scenes who helped make all this possible... I love you, I kiss you, Jojo!

Monday, August 03, 2015

Campaign 2015: Day 1

There was something about Justin Trudeau's speech yesterday (well, all his speeches) that reminded me of those Tom Cruise videos where he's speaking at the Scientology conventions. Always smiling. Giving every speech like it's the most... important... thing... he's ever said. Like an actor in a Canadian TV show playing the part of a politician. I'm sure Trudeau's a nice guy. He just weirds me out in almost the same way as Tom Cruise.

Meanwhile that other Tom looked like he had to poo or maybe hadn't gone in a few days. Not sure which. I always get the vibe that Mulcair would rather be yelling at someone and has to keep his anger contained (and his nostrils un-flared) while making public appearances.

And Harper seems like an introvert who is painfully uncomfortable politicking and meeting people, and who would rather be at home reading.


Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Mayor Caroline St-Hilaire and the debasing of fundamental liberties

Mayor Caroline St-Hilaire
Only in an environment where fundamental liberties like freedom of expression have been so demeaned for so long could the mayor of Longueuil matter-of-factly decry the fact that Bill 101 doesn't prohibit an elected official from speaking English at a public meeting.

Mayor Caroline St-Hilaire says: "The charter [of the French Language] says we have the right to express ourselves in French. It doesn't say he can't express himself in English. That's the rub."

St-Hilaire must look at other areas of the language law and think, 'If Bill 101 prohibits English on commercial billboards or street signs in most Quebec cities, why isn't it also illegal to speak English at a council meeting? The law seems inconsistent.'

The debasing of our Western ideals of human rights must be acknowledged as a legacy of the Charter of the French Language no less important than its purported successes. A society where statements like St-Hilaire's are made without controversy will think it perfectly normal to ban other things like, say, kippahs and hijabs. Let's recall that a majority did support banning these in 2013. The fact that the bill didn't become law was the result of a tactical error by the Parti Québécois -- not because of a surge interest in Quebec in the works of John Stuart Mill.

The intolerance at the core of St-Hilaire's statement may, sadly, be in our past, present, and future.